i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
