I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
