Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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