Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
