dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize