; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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