Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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