Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
