If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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