I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
