What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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