he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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