smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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