I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
