After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
