the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
