They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
