so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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