Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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