i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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