ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
