Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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