If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
