It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
