I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
