ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
