you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
