So drunk its hurt
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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