i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
