I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
