he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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