He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
