Yo dont text me then not text me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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