I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
