Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
