I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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