Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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