Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
