I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
4 words: hood of his car
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
