I never want to see another naked old woman again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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