Moan for me like Helen Keller
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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