It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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