break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
