I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
