i think my mom watched the whole time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
