I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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