So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
