He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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