dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize