before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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