I bet he comes in French.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
