i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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