DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
