I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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