How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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