Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
