You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.