You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's not a walk of shame if you run