So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?