So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen