I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.