i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?