I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
