So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
