i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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