I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
