one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye