is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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