Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
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Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole