i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year