i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's blow job season.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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