Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say