Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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